reality

to everyone who knows me...i have a confession...
this is the bare reality of my life:

i'm literally dragging my feet through life.
whereas once i thought i really had an excitement for life, for living...today i realize that i don't.
i just want to clock out of life. i am done. actually, i have been done with life since i was a kid.
remember how i always wanted to be a "grown up" when i was a kid? as i look back, the reason is because i thought it would get better or that i would feel differently. and how true it is that people don't change because i haven't changed and i'm still waiting for things to "get better" or for me to "feel different". i don't think it will change, since apparently, people dont change.

what does this mean:
this means that i am no better than those people i used to dog on by saying that they didn't really live life and were complacent and didn't do anything to make their life better. i am one of those people; i was faking it the whole time. everyday i wake up and want to go straight back to bed because i feel like, you know, i've seen some stuff in life, i've had fun, had a few laughs, made some good relationships. i'm pretty much done. but unfortunately i have to keep going.

what you are thinking:
now i know that there is more to life and that i am looking at life with a very narrow view. but until i get out of this narrow view i will feel the same way. and i may never escape this narrow view because i don't even know how to begin trying to get out of it. so all i can do is wake up everyday and walk forward and try to have fun and keep my eyes and ears open to a way out of feeling like this. cuz i'm not going to check myself out of life voluntarily, which means i have to keep going. but if you are all wondering why i haven't made more of myself in this life, it is because i am complacent and dragging my feet and it is because i don't feel like i have a passion or calling for something.

lack of passion or calling=inaction on my part
how can u get up and try hard in life when u don't know what u want out of life?