reading nick hornby books again. i think i get them more. "how to be good" was just ok before and i remember telling esther at the end of it that i didnt really get some parts. but now i get it and it reminds me of me and i kinda wish i didnt get it.
"what has happened to molly [main character's daughter] in her first eight years? more or less nothing. we have protected her from the world as best we can. she has been brought up in a loving home, she has two parents, she has never been hungry, ans she receives an education that will prepare her for the rest of her life; and yet she is sad, and that sadness is not, when you think about it, inappropriate. the state of the relationship between her parents makes her anxious; she has lost a loved one (and a cat); and she has realized that such losses are going to be an unavoidable part of her life in the future. it seems to me now that the plain state of being human is dramatic enough for anyone; you don't need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. you just have to love someone.
and the other thing i think is that i have failed my daughter. eight years old and she's sad...i didn't want that. when she was born i was certain i could prevent it, and i have been unable to, and even though i see that the task i set myself was unrealistic and unachieveable, it doesnt make any difference: i have still participated in the creation of yet another confused and fearful human being.
i have sat on my own in the dark long enough; it is time to rejoin my normal life again"