my really big wall calendar. it's huge! 

crazy people

today i talked to esther about my blog about seeing the ex. we both agreed it is odd to see these people because it is like they don't exist anymore after they are out of your lives, a sort of phantom of your past. but amazingly they continue to live their own day to day lives and nothing has changed except that you don't come into contact with them anymore. like how i saw jane at jcrew the other day. now i cant go into the brea jcrew anymore. but there she is, still living in the area and now working at jcrew. then i go to thinking in the car, those people you no longer see is because you have chosen to disassociate them from your lives. but you still know where they live and where they work and where they hang out. it is not hard to see them if you want to. then i realized it is the crazy people that still use the fact that they used to know a person to still contact them. once you broke up/arent friends anymore/hate them...you stop and pretend you never knew them. but crazy people like the bf CALL to bother you. crazy people are the ones who have to get restraining orders because they simply cannot function in the civil world with social norms. we once knew each other, yes. but now that i hate you and choose to disassociate myself, you cannot call or stop by or anything. simple concept for those who are sane. not so simple for those who are crazy.

i had to yell again. off the top of my head, i want to say i hate yelling, but i dont think i hate it. i hate the situations that drive me to yell...but yelling itself seems necessary to me sometimes. it seems like the hiding of things is endless. perhaps i should start hiding things. but this would only be okay if he is incapable of not hiding things. i have to make it even somehow. if u cant help but hide stuff, then i get to hide stuff. one would think some things are insignificant. but build up hundreds of thousands of insignificant little mistakes and you have yourself one big bank account of mistakes.

miko really likes to lay on the couch.

i really like my stendig wall calendar. its huge! i will try to take a digi pic and post it.

trying to read harry potter 4. scary!

i realized that on this page there is a "HOME" button. but now it doesnt go anywhere but i dont know what to change it to. i sat there for awhile trying to decide, but no website is generally connected with my except this one now.

today i did laundry and did that post christmas balancing of the checkbook. i broke even. nice. i also cancelled my ocregister subscription since the paper does not show up anywhere near my property no matter how much i call and ask them to send it. it is better this way. everyday at the newstand is 50 cents and sunday is $1.50. we were going to pay $4.00 a week, which is only like 50 cents less than if we picked it up everyday. which we wont, so really we are encouraging me to go get one if i really want one. saving money really, nice again. also i made an appt to get miko a bath tomorrow at 4pm so she will be all clean and pretty.

i got the wrong mixer for christmas, since it was given to me by someone who does not know me that well. jon was gonna get the correct one but i told him to hold off and it is good i did because brenda and vincent gave us a william sonoma $100 gift cert. also i heard esther considered getting me one. so now i have to return the wrong one and get either (1) a food processor, or (2) a fondue set. i prefer the food processor but i hope they have a good one. i dont want credit back for mervyns cuz i dont shop there.

is it raining? its too dark to tell and i hear wind/rain sounds. ive been outside today, i swear, but now it seems so cold!! i will bundle up later to walk miko the dog.

what to eat for dinner?

three unrelated stories

aftermath
so after writing the last blog i went back to reading and about an hour later i realized that i was listening for his car even though it wasnt going to be coming home any time soon. so i do have feelings and i did miss him and care about the future etc and all those good things

the day after christmas shopping/the ex
so i actually went the day after christmas shopping. went to old town pasadena and ate shabu. bought crate and barrell cups. then we exited the store and i saw the ex crossing the street away from us. gasp! i blubber and point because i cant believe it i havent seen him in three years. so mary goes 'where?!' i point and im surprised he didnt hear us cuz we were being loud. so then she goes 'should we follow them?' and i cant think of any answer but yes. we follow on the other side of the street and catch up. they go into cheesecake factory. we cross the street to go to the car to drop off my cups, and we peer through the window while waiting for the light to change and he walks right to the window so i look the other way and mary just stares becuase he doesnt know who she is. then we put the cups in the car and continue on to fcuk and urban and buy nothing in those two stores and tie it all up at bn and we both buy at least 3 items. i felt so immature because i was still considering throwing a drink on him. obviously i didnt but it clearly crossed my mind because that is what ive been planning on doing if i saw him. unfortunately my plan included a club or party scene where it is almost welcome to throw a drink at someone because of the excitement and drama it causes. throwing a drink at someone in the lobby of the pasadena cheesecake factory seems like a move that would get me uninvited from there forever. i realize that you are all thinking that it is immature in itself to follow him and 2 friends. well, no because mary has never seen him and wanted to get a look and i didnt decide if i was going to make any action. which of course i didnt. y? because deep down i am still very asian and i dont like confrontation i would rather be quiet. rememeber the only other time i saw him after the break up? at the block amc with his new gf; and i said nothing even though we all know i should have. so i beat the immaturity enough to say that i did not do something i may regret.

miko
we have inherited miko the dog. miko is a japanese name and she is a girl, just to let everyone know beforehand and please do not ask why her name isnt 'mika' since she's a girl. she's japanese, not mexican. i know several japanese girls named miko. also miko is just like an asian girl because she does not look her age of 3-5 years but still looks like a puppy, similiar to how me and my crew are always mistaken for the age of 12. here are some quick facts:
-ran off today when i was throwing out trash. i had just taken her for a walk on a leash and came in the house and decided to throw out trash and decided no leash this time cuz it was quick and mary used to do it all the time. she got excited and ran all over the place. it didnt take long to track her down but i had to run which sucked.
-likes to claw at the carpet; its ok cuz we dont like the ugly green carpet anyways
-paws me to let me know she wants to be my friend
-always spits up her water. is she drinking it too fast? is she drinking too much? i dont know why she continues to do this.
-currently needs a bath
-is a white cocka-poo

so goes my day of fun

so i finally wrote a real piece. i wrote a travel memo for my fams for christmas. no one read it right there which was both a disappointment and a relief. i totally understand because i brought both a magazine and book to read in case and did not touch either because i was busy talking and eating and playing. my cousin cindy asked if i wrote the thing in her hands and i said yeah, but im not sure how good it is. but she replied 'oh' like surprised and pleased. i hope someone reads it. for the friends, youve heard all the stuff before so it will just be a repeat.

i won poker with the kids! didn't even try.

us news says you should meditate. im not sure i can just sit there and think about one word like 'peace' or 'om' over and over again. they said you can also concentrate carefully on how something tastes like your morning coffee. it tastes the same everyday, but i guess that is the point, you are to find amazement and tranquility in every day things. they also said the hardest part about it is sticking to it. tell me about it.

i visited my old work for the first time yesterday. i figure it was christmas eve and sort of an occasion and i happen to be there to pick up jon. it was actually nice, im glad i held off visiting. they kept asking me when im coming back. i said im not. gotta stick to it!

slightly off: just because we are always referring to mr. maybe, right now i guess i should be brooding over the fight but i am just enjoying talking to people on my cell and reading my book and magazine. like when libby is supposed to be thinking about the engagement with ed and insted she is just happy being on her own. i will think about it some more.

i read a bunch of xanga/blogs/etc today. i even read john jay's. he didn't write anything interesting, but i figure he is busy finally being on track to being a fed agent. also, this one guy who i dont even know has a xanga and i havent read it in a long time. he finally got married. he had a very big 50,000 dollar wedding in nyc. yes, it does make me a bit wistful, but then i remember how long he had to plan it for and how much it cost and im like, eh. plus the girl planned everything, he barely knew what was going on half the time. a sweet part was when he said "she looked beautiful. i wasnt even listening to the minister".

i think i have a problem with balance in my life. like when i started at disney i had no time, cuz i was trying to get into the flow of things and be a good worker. then i started doing all those graveyards which threw my schedule off whack and i had not a lot of time where i wasnt sleeping or at work. then i met jon. then we got married. then i got that ritz job. and now the ritz and my career in hotels is over. so since a year ago its all been a blur. i guess i throw myself into things.

so i was thinking REAL ESTATE. cuz even if i go away to be a US consulate, i could always come back and do REAL ESTATE. i would have to learn a few new things cuz i would be rusty, but if i came back to the us there is something i could still do to make money. so i am looking into a certificate course in that now.

i saw a really cute snoopy ornament at hallmark today. it was 6.95 and it was one of those small ones not those big cartoony ones. i loved it, but we dont have a tree and im sure there are a million more cute ornaments in the world. ill look for the after christmas sale.

miko went with jon to waterpolo practice today. tomorrow he has games so he cant do that and i have to go work for jack so miko will be alone for like 4 1/2 hrs tomorrow. i think that's not too many hours.

ive been unemployed for 12 days...