i demand immediacy. sometimes i really can't see the big picture, all i can see is this god-forsaking moment being terrible in itself.

i need to learn how to see the end, how it all comes together and that this one moment need not break me.

i feel it will all be okay after this particular thing is over, but what if its not, what if im just running. that it why i need to deal with real issue here.

i dont know.